The Red Army Heavy
by ProFan
Summary: Heavy wakes up one normal morning only to find that he is in a whole new body. Now he must find out what has happened to him and get back his old self. Rated T for blood and cursing and stuff lol.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: An Average Morning

Heavy tossed and turned in bed, trying to ignore the alarm clock. It seemed as if the more he reached over to stop it the farther away it was from him. Eventually it would stop, eventually...IT WONT STOP! Heavy had by now. He sprung out of bed at went to smash the clock to scrap metal, however, something was different. Heavy woke up in a completely different room than before. Upon further inspection, it IS the same room, just massive!

He turned over to find that he was actually laying on his pillow, which had grown to massive size. "Hmm, something is different," Heavy wondered. He turned over to his wall and was about ready to fall back to sleep.

"Heavy is tiny bird!"

Heavy's once masculine body that sent shivers down everyone's spine, was reduced to that of a robin. He looked exactly like one; wings, tail feather, beak! "What is happening to me! Why has heavy been reduced to tiny little tweety bird. I can not fire Sasha like this!"

This was by far one of the strangest things that had ever happened to him, and that's saying a lot. He simply stood there on his little stick-like legs and thought about what to do next. "Hmm, maybe Doctor can help me, he is best friend." Well a plan was one thing, but executing it was another, there were no open doors or windows and the vent grate was too tight for his...plump, body structure.

The alarm clock finally stopped ringing giving Heavy more time to think. He hopped off his bed landing softly on the ground due to his light body mass, and walked around the room. "Ugh, little bird legs are terrible for walking." He thought up of another plan. He remembered seeing some small birds in the park hop around to move faster. He figured he'd give it a try and sure enough, it worked! He wasn't even getting tired or dizzy from all the hopping.

Heavy took a quick peek at any nook or cranny in the house he could find. The room was built pretty well, there were no holes or anything to get in through. The most he found was a few buttons and some leftover sandvich from about a month. "So that is what I have been smelling, is such a waste." It was a waste, a tempting one. Heavy took one good look at it before his stomach began to grumble, he still hasn't eaten breakfast. He inched over slowly to the foul abomination before taking a quick peck, spitting it out almost immediately after. "Aaaaaah, why most you betray me sandvich?"

He shook his heads from the fumes and noticed something in the far corner. It was a small hole, just the right size for him to fit through. He stuck his head inside and could see a bright light a few feet up. He was able to cling onto the insulation and scale the wall to the source of light. Outside, the sound of a squeaking wheel could be heard rolling by, carrying the smell of food along with it.

Heavy popped plump little body through hole to find himself in the main hall of RED base. The squeaking was coming from the food cart being pushed by Engineer into the mess hall. "Oh no! Engineer has GOOD sandviches! Engineer, come back!" Much to his surprise, Engie actually stopped and looked at him, but not for the reasons he was thinking. "Awe, ain't you just the cutest little thing," he said. Heavy feathers puffed up from the embarrassment. "I am not cute, I am massive killing machine!" Little did he know, not to many people speak bird.

Engie leaned over and picked him up in his hands, holding him like you would with a baby chick, nuzzling him like one as well. Heavy honestly couldn't tell what was making him more sick: the thought of being nuzzled, or that sandvich from earlier.

"Well where did you come form little feller?"

"From the depths of the USSR, ready to drag you down to it you stupid toy maker!"

Engineer willing kept petting him and talking like a mother would to a baby, only increasing Heavy's rage. "Enough with the little baby faces Engineer, I need my sandvich!" Right as he said that Scout came running down the hall. "Yo Engie wacha doin here? Everybody's waitin for their food." Engineer took a few seconds to snap back to reality. "Aw damn I'm sorry Scout, it's just, I found this here bird wondering around and, well, ain't it just the cutest little thing?" Scout took a good look and heavy. "Damn that little sucker's as fat as Heavy, maybe they'd get along." Heavy's feathers were puffing up even more than before from the sheer anger.

Before he could even do anything Engineer put him on his shoulders, smacking Scout on the head, and continued walking with the cart, Heavy's prime target on board.

Engineer pushed open the door were everybody was sitting around and talking about yesterday's match. "And oi would ave taken out dat bloody snoop if it weren't for dat BLU Scout," complained Sniper. "Aye, maybe you should ave worn that bloody shield of yours instead of your own bloody piss," claimed Demo. Everybody's attention turned to the cart of food as it entered the mass hall.

Everybody grabbed a plate of their favorite food and dug in, well, except for Heavy who was stuck on Engineer's shoulder. All he could do was watch as they all ate their food while he was stuck next to the grease monkey's smelly head. "No, Heavy will not be defeated by tiny little toy maker, not today! Is tweet time!" Heavy waited while everybody was busy eating to jump onto the table and hop on over to his fair share. "Yes!" Just as he was about to take a bite, however, he felt a familiar rubber glove pick him back up. "No!" This time it was Medic who picked him, something he was a bit more happy about.

"Sorry little one, but ze sandwiches are for ze Heavy. Vait a minute, vhere is ze Heavy?" Everybody gave it a quick thought but went right back to eating. Medic pulled a small pack of bird seeds and poured some in his hand. Heavy gave a quick thought, and decided to nip at it. "Hmm, is not sandvich, but, hehe." Heavy practically buried his face in the pile of seeds that medic held out.

"Mission begins in twenty minutes!"

The booming sound of the administrator made everyone slurp down their plates and head for the battlements. This was very bad. His team couldn't win without his help, and he's stuck a bird for who knows how long. Days, weeks, months...YEARS! He had to find out what happened to him, and fast. But of course this did leave one small question: where was medic taking him?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Together, For Feather or For Worse

Heavy was beginning to wake up from his little and ready to go fight some BLUs...that is of course if he were still human, which he's not. He woke up to find himself in Medic's arms where he last remembered being. They were in the operation room, where Medic kept all of instruments of torture. Granted any "professional" doctor would say that these are standard tools, but everyone else in the base thought otherwise, including Heavy.

Medic placed him down on a small table with some bird feed and water were waiting. "Vwell, I shall be off vittle birdy, behave." With that, the doctor left Heavy in a seemingly empty room for him to eat. "Ugh, is stupid! Heavy wishes to go and fight like brave war hero!" Heavy simply stood there complaining to himself while eating some bird food when he heard a noise in the room.

There was the sound of metal clinking around with a garbled, distorted noise along with. "Who is there?" Heavy spoke up. "Now now no need to be alarmed, um, just wanted to see how everything was, for you." The strange voice had a British accent to it. The man sounded nice enough, but Heavy was never one to let his guard down. "Um, I'm coming out now. Please don't try and hurt me," the voice said.

The man behind the voice was a huge surprise to Heavy...he wasn't even a man at all! He was bright white dove with a blood stain on his chest. "No...Archimedes?" Archimedes fluttered over to the table where heavy was eating now fully showing himself. "Um, yeah, that's my name...mind telling me how you know me?" he asked. Finally, someone Heavy could talk to.

"Is me, Heavy Weapons guy."

"Oh, um, sorry but that doesn't really ring a bell."

"I am giant Russian man who fight side by side with Medic."

"Hmm, sorry, still nope.

"...Ugh...I let you burrow inside my chest during operation day, no?"

Archimedes was finally starting to put the pieces together. "Oh yeah I remember you now!" Heavy merely rolled his eyes at his sheer ignorance. "Wait if you're the Heavy then why are you a robin now?" Heavy was asking himself the same question in the back of his head. The round was about to start and he still didn't know about what happened to him. His thinking face got the message across to Archimedes so he decided to lay off.

Heavy went back to eating his food while Archimedes kept talking behind. "Ah man I tell you what it's nice to have another bird to talk to around here I mean Medic keeps all of the other birds locked up in cages while he's gone because he doesn't really want them messing with the equipment and plus I'm sort of the flock leader, wait, is there a term for that? Hm, I'm pretty sure it's like the 'Alpha' of the flock or, no, wait...that's a wolf. Um alright we'll just scratch that off our list and..." good god he's worst than Scout.

"Ugh, is God's punishment for not paying rent on time," Heavy muttered to himself. He would tell him to shut up but in Heavy's current state he was half the size of the chatterbox dove. "Hey I got an idea," Archimedes said speaking up again. "Let's go for a little flight, you and me." That sounded like torture on heavy's part he had to consider. If he really is a bird then perhaps he could fly like one as well and if he can fly...he can get the intel and ditch the dodo! "Very well Archimedes, show me how to fly."

Archimedes led him up to the roof of the building through a small hole in wall that Medic never bothered to fix. Heavy was out of breath from scaling the was by only his feet. The trip itself was worth it, however. They had a full view of the battlefield outside of Teufort. "Nice huh?" said the carrier dove. "Yeah sometime when doc is out of the building I like to come up here and watch everybody fight, hehe." Heavy had to give him credit, he has good taste.

"Alright, show heavy how to fly like killer bird." They perched up on the edge of the roof ready for flight. "Alright there's really not much to it, all you gotta do is flap your wings, loosen your legs, and jump. Then just use your tail feather to steer properly." This all seemed simply enough to grasp. Heavy got ready to jump when he felt his heart sink. He was terrified of heights.

"Um, Heavy I recommend we go now!" He shot him a quick glance. "Why?" The sound of a screech filled the sky. "The Compatriot!" yelled Archimedes, now taking off from the roof with or without Heavy. It didn't take long for him to process what was going on. He considered. Well if he jumps then he might die, but if he stays he'll definitely die! Such a hard decision...

"Your Communist ass is mine!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Screw the phobia, Heavy jumped for it almost falling into the eagle's grasp. He did exactly as Archimedes told him and he soon found himself soaring across the skies. He let the sweet breeze of victory flow through himself before he remembered something. "Stars and Stripes, maggot! STARS. AND. STRIPES!" The psychotic bird from American hell came back and almost dive-bombed him.

He looked for an exit inside the building and found a rusty pipe sticking out of BLU base's roof. With no choice left, he darted straight forward and into the pipe, leaving "Eagle Soldier" to crash behind him.

The pipe began to suck him in until he found himself in the ventilation shaft of the base, now being tossed around in the vents. He ricochet from wall to wall like a pinball until in slammed into the vent grate, popping it open.

He landed with a thud on the cold floor of the base as an Engineer ran past him without concern. "There's a spy," he heard him say. He was right next to the enemy intel room! He could hear the sound of Spy being clobbered by a wrench in failed attempt to help RED team. Heavy peeked his little bird head around the corner and saw the Engineer repairing the Sentry he just built. He stuck his head out even more and noticed that the gun wasn't even firing at him.

The Engineer grabbed a chair and a bottle of beer after fixing his handy work. Heavy was tired of seeing his team loose to the "little toy gun" and wanted to put a stop to it, so he hopped onto the Sentry's barrel and began pecking away at it. The Engineer himself noticed this and simply chuckled at it, drinking once again.

This was showing to be pointless as heavy's little bird beak did nothing to it. He instead flew over to the intelligence and attempted to lift it by flight. Nothing. He was getting desperate now. He put every bit of strength into pushing the briefcase off the desk but with no results.

Heavy hated this. Never in his entire life would he feel this worthless. All because of some stupid incident that he had no control over whatsoever. He fell down on the table surface in defeat, simply waiting for the round to end in a failure. He let down RED, he let down Medic, everyone...

What good was he now?


End file.
